OLD GENDER ROLES STUBBORNLY PERSIST

An equal distribution of care responsibilities between men and women is still some time away. Society even continues pushing young parents into the classic gender roles. At least, that is Hans Elsen’s experience. His son Warre was born six months ago. “I was up and running three weeks later,” he explains. “My partner, on the other hand, was pushed in the traditional caring role.”

A year before, Hans was on holiday in the south of France with friends. “We didn’t have children yet, but our German friends did. They told us that, in Germany, both mothers and fathers get four months’ parental rest, which creates a balance. Both partners had successively taken care of their child independently for four months. In Belgium, men only get four weeks. And until recently, they only got three.”

But parental leave exists, right?

Elsen: “The number of men who take it during that period can be counted on one hand. Not only is the allowance very low, barely € 800, but most men save their leave to use it later, so their children don’t have to participate in various camps during the summer holiday. Parental leave is definitely not enough to break the pattern of classic gender roles.”

But we have come a long way. Until roughly twenty years ago, fathers had three days parental leave.

Elsen: “My father says the same thing (laughs). I don’t want to turn this into a generational conflict. But times have changed. My mother used to stay at home half-time. That, too, has changed. Society is now geared to two full-time incomes. Otherwise, it is impossible to pay the bills. But the gender roles persist. It is still women who take on the majority of the care, because they are pushed in that direction as soon as four weeks after giving birth. After those first weeks, she stays home alone with the child. From there, everything just falls into the classic pattern. If we don’t intervene in that initial phase, nothing will change. If you have to take care of your child independently for four months, as in Germany, you can really grow in that role.”

Isn’t it slowly evolving in the right direction?

Hans: “I’m not so sure about that. Whenever I go to a consultation at ‘Kind en Gezin’ with my son, I am the only man there.  Even in Leuven, where I live, and our city has a rather progressive image. But even there, not many men seem to take on an equal caring role. This is not a sign of bad will, by the way: most men would love to spend more time with their child. But the gender roles are deeply ingrained in our culture. Nature may of course also play a role in this story, but it isn’t a major role. It is mainly a very strong cultural pattern. And to break that, you need more than three or four weeks of paternity leave.”