A difficult relationship with your superior

For many employees, including those who manage their own team, the relationship with their superior has a major impact on their job happiness. And unfortunately, not all of us work under a knowledgeable and understanding coach. Is your manager difficult to address, a control freak or someone with a short fuse? Then the tips and tricks below will help you deal with the situation.

Focusing on causes and consequences

If your superior is not exactly a talented people manager and your difficult relationship causes you stress, then it pays to gain insight into the mechanisms that are at work.

• What behaviour do you struggle with exactly? How long has this been the case?
• Are there any external factors that might explain the tension or has your relationship with this executive been strained from the very start?
• Are you the only member in the team to experience the situation in this manner or do your colleagues share this feeling?
• How does the upper hierarchy look upon the person in question?
• Have you had similar difficulties with other executives?
• Do you struggle with a hierarchical working environment?
• How did your superior end up in their position? Were you colleagues in the past or was he or she recruited externally?
• Was he or she promoted because of his or her technical competencies?
• Is there a considerable age gap or are there any gender issues between you?
• What is the leadership culture of your organisation?
• And how do you get along personally? Perhaps it is precisely the fact that you do appreciate your superior as a person that makes it difficult for you to deal with his or her performance problem.

The answers to these questions provide something to hold onto and are crucial to develop a good understanding of the situation. Once you understand what is really going on, you can work out a strategy to do something about it.

Taking the bull by the horns

Consider carefully what your options are.

• What can be impacted and what not?
• Is it feasible to change something about the organisational structure or the way in which your superior works?
• Or should you look for strategies to better deal with the situation as it is?

Reporting problems to the higher management can be risky. The person who appointed your superior may not take implicit or explicit criticism about that decision very well. However, if the hierarchical structure is something inherited from the past, the higher management may actually appreciate your courage and sense of responsibility. A sincere conversation that starts from your experience and carefully moves on to a discussion of the different issues is often the smartest choice. Do not go on the offensive, and prepare the content and form of your message well.

A sincere conversation that starts from your experience and carefully moves on to a discussion of the different issues is often the smartest choice.

Heeding signs of alarm

Whatever approach you take, never lose sight of taking care of yourself. Watch out for signs such as a reduced ability to put things into perspective, cynicism, an increasing reluctance to work or even physical problems. If your loved ones tell you that you are constantly going on about the same things at work, you have to face the fact that things cannot go on like this. Many employees are remarkably loyal to their organisation, their team, their superior or their job content, but ignoring or dismissing the problem does not make it go away. It’s a good thing to be aware of this and to make a correct assessment of alternative options without allowing yourself to be put off by the unknown.

If you are a member of ACV Puls, you can furthermore enlist the aid of our career coaches. They have experience with all possible functional and relational difficulties between team members and superiors from both perspectives. Executives who experience a lack of support in their role can also rely on Puls for assistance.